BEING HUMAN

I remember sitting in the back of a cop car. I was arrested again. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would be in jail three times as an adult. I had brushes with the law as a homeless teenager, but as an adult – it was mind boggling to me.

I had flown in hot to my hometown to tell my family bye. I was tired and really just wanted to go to sleep once and for all. My plan was to jump off a bridge onto some rocks close to my house. It made perfect sense to me. I had gotten drunk so that I wouldn’t chicken out this time; so my decision making was not at my best. r

Of course it was completely horrifying to my family. My boys tried to get me help by sheparding me to the ER. I realized what was happening and tried to jump out of the car on the highway into oncoming traffic. My youngest son wrestled with me, and I ended up fighting back. My boys didn’t know what to do so they pulled over and called the police.

I remember sitting in jail, wondering what went wrong with my plan. I was also watching a 60-year-old with a walker hobble around the holding tank and wondering if that was the path I was on. The truth is it was the path I was on.

I was being human, instead of BEING human. It is the difference between swimming and just treading enough to keep your nose above water. It’s the difference between sitting at the bottom of the mountain after falling and giving up, versus using your senses to find your way back up. I decided again I would have to start from the basics, get help, do the work, and really find my BEING; instead of just being.

I added the picture at the bottom because sometimes it is hard to see the beauty of a shipwreck until you are sitting there learning its story. This blog is about BEING. I hope you enjoy it.

B